In week seven, our fellow GIP Trinity had to return home unexpectedly because of a death in the family. We all missed her and I wrote this email to catch her up on everything that happened while she was gone.
The bunkhouse has not been the same since you left. But don’t worry, we’re keeping it together without you. Somehow. Sort of.
Anyway we thought you might like to know what’s been going on so that when you get back you can make sure you know all the hilarious in-jokes we made up while you were gone and also have an explanation for why all your condiments are empty and there’s foxes living under your bed.
Firstly, we finished the whole website and we’ve moved on to a new endeavor: The Quarry Seance Project. We expect to have at least a couple of Stegosaurs and an Allosaur reanimated by the end of the summer, and they should bring in enough funding to get the rest going! Again! We’ll need you to start concepting the logo for that.
Also we noticed that you left some shoes outside and we started wondering if we should take them in for you — until we noticed that they were full of black widows and scorpions. Best not to disturb the wildlife.
Speaking of wildlife, we found some mice in the house this week. They were very polite but Bronson told us we had to “take care” of them according to proper Park procedure. He then handed us a wok and something he called a “skinning fork.” We figured out how to use it after making a bit of mess, and then Elliott started the stir fry. Unfortunately none of us knew how to season mice, so we just, well, that’s why all your condiments are empty.
Elliott’s mom came to visit, and for awhile we all thought she was you and called her “Trinity.” She kept telling us to stop cursing, though, and we finally realized our error. We made her give back most of your clothes.
There was also a barbecue at Dan and Lorraine’s where I had my feet amputated by large insects. I can still feel them though, itching, even though I’m certain they’re gone forever. I guess this is what “ghost limb” means.
So yeah. We’re really looking forward to seeing you again as soon as you get back. But if the place is on fire, or you hear a lot of chanting from a distance as you drive in, probably best just to turn around and pretend like we never existed. Those foxes have begun implementing household rules that I… am not to speak of.
We miss you.
– Thea, Elliott, Marie, Jill, Lord Overseer Vulpes
PS we drank all your beer.